It's been a hard couple of months. Loss-filled. Recurrent. It's hard to not see that kind of pattern as something fated. It's hard not to draw lines and connect, pinpoint, and justify why Bad Things Keep Happening. Last week after something really painful happened, I felt deflated and defeated. The mountain of grief looked exhausting. But I realized that to process these things-- anything really-- can bring an insight and a lightness. It's working through something but also learning from something. So, I took on a mini-project that I hoped would help me move through this. It became more than it started out to be, like most things. I'm calling it a therapy session because it was reminiscent of the change I would feel while working through a session when I was a teenager: Cluttered mind goes through a filtration process. Then, release.
here's what I learned:
-it's really hard to look yourself in the eye
-it takes a long time to stop seeing yourself as yourself
-if you can start seeing yourself as a subject, you're way kinder to yourself
-creating collages over your face means warping yourself and zooming in on yourself and taking yourself apart and that ended up feeling really damn good.
